Hard to Lose (The Play Hard Series Book 4) Read online

  But it’s all Gunner. He watches. He listens. He acts.

  And I’m one hundred percent here for it.

  “It seems you left quite an impression on him,” Nix says from his seat beside me.

  “I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing,” I say, totally aware I now have the attention of more people than I intended when I walked in here.

  “It’s a good thing. Definitely a good thing,” he murmurs and takes a sip of his beer.

  “How do you know Gunner?” I ask Nix.

  “We served together.”

  “Here? On deployment? Where?” I ask, trying to learn as much as I can about the man who I can’t seem to take my eyes off.

  “Both.” He meets Gunner’s curious stare, and I notice a slight nod exchanged between them, almost as if Gunner is telling him it’s okay to tell me more. “I know Gunner is a hero because I was there. I was one of the ones he saved that day.”

  “I had no idea. I don’t even know what to say,” I say below the noise of the bar. And I truly don’t. Gunner is so quick to squash any talk about heroics that I kind of assumed the comment Nix made that first night was more a bravado thing. Him saying it so I might like his buddy more.

  But when I look at his face and see the somberness there, the admiration, I realize that Nix wasn’t simply being his friend’s wingman. He was serious.

  “Nothing to say other than I wouldn’t be sitting here if it weren’t for that man right there.”

  “Do you mind telling me what happened or is that something I should ask him?”

  “You can ask all you want, but Gunner won’t tell you shit. He’s not that kind of guy despite the fact that the events of that day still haunt him every night when he sleeps as they do me.”

  “I’m sorry.” I don’t know what else to say.

  “There’s no need to be. We signed up for it.” His chuckle is self-deprecating, almost resigned, before he falls quiet for a beat as we both smile when Gunner’s laugh sounds out across the bar.

  “But still . . .”

  “But still,” he repeats and snorts. “We were on routine rounds at the base of the Tora Bora mountains. We had some intel about one of the towns along the way. They were making IEDs or some shit,” he says as if he doesn’t remember. I know for damn sure he probably remembers every little detail. “Anyway, we went to suss out if the informant was telling the truth and walked right into an ambush. It was a firefight like we’d never seen before, coming at us from every damn direction.” Nix shudders and takes another sip of his beer.

  “I can’t even imagine,” I say, thinking how surreal it is to hear about something you see in movies and know it happened in real life to Nix and Gunner.

  “We were in a bad way. Things were FUBAR,” he says and tips his beer to the neon sign of the term on the other side of the room. “There were ten of us that went in and one by one we were falling. We had no cover, no help, and air support was twenty minutes out when we had only about five minutes left of ammo. It was fucking terrifying. Somehow Gunner was able to get back to one of the Humvees. It was one of the only ones we had with armor on it and the fucking guy literally starts it up and plows right through the building where some of the enemies were taking cover. He came in like a goddamn superhero.”

  “I can hear you, Nix,” Gunner warns as he walks past to grab some more beer glasses before moving back to the other end of the bar where I think he’s purposely keeping to.

  “He can threaten me all he wants, but it’s not going to work.” Nix gives him the bird and a grin. “You need to know that he barreled through that building and back into the firefight he’d escaped from. He was like a madman, running around without us being able to lay down cover for him. We were all hit in some way or another and he did everything he could to pull us, carry us, and shove us into the Humvee so he could get us out of there to a location where we could defend ourselves until air support came. It was like he was a different person, Chase. He came in shouting orders to us left and right, trying to take out the enemy when he could, and trying to save us all at the same time. He did that three times. Three times he pulled that Humvee out and then plowed back into the village to extricate and save us. Three fucking times before . . .” Nix gives a shake of his head and then clears his throat as emotion I didn’t expect overwhelms him.

  “Thank you for telling me this much. I didn’t mean to make you—”

  “The Humvee, on the way out the third time . . . it hit an IED. I have no fucking clue how he didn’t hit any before that considering the whole goddamn village was surrounded by them—something we found out after the fact. But he found one on the third and final way out.” He shakes his head. “I remember seeing it explode. How parts, how everything—just blasted into the air. It was about that time that the air support arrived, so we had to take fucking cover from them hitting the town. We didn’t know if Gunny or the other two guys he’d rescued were alive or dying or anything.”

  I reach out and squeeze Nix’s hand. I don’t know him other than the two times I’ve met him, but the emotion that swells in his voice tells me all I need to know about the man beside me. Gunner may be a hero in Nixon’s eyes, but Nix was also in that firefight. He’s a hero too.

  They both made sacrifices. Something the men and women sitting around me possibly have too.

  Silent heroes.

  Unsung.

  Humble.

  No wonder they congregate here at a bar where others understand them. No wonder they’re inseparable. No wonder I—

  “He was alive. Barely. Shrapnel had hit him everywhere. He was a goddamn mess while the other two he had tried to bring to safety didn’t make it.”

  “Jesus.” I take a sip of my drink as I stare at Gunner laughing at the other end of the bar. I think of the scars on his chest. Of the physical damage to his body that probably has nothing on the psychological damage. And yet there he is, lighting up the whole damn room with his infectious smile and quick-witted sense of humor. “No wonder you two are like brothers.”

  “There’s definitely a bond between us that I can’t really put words to.”

  “Are you part owner of this place?” I ask.

  His smile is slight. His eyes somber. “He opened it in their memory. The men he wasn’t able to save. We all pitched in with the start-up money, but he’s since paid us all back. He said he had to have a clear conscience with his debts before he started sending a percentage of the profits every month to the families of those who didn’t make it.”

  “Wait. What?” I ask, wanting to make sure I heard him correctly. But I did. I know I did and the slight lift of his chin toward Gunner affirms it.

  “Yep. You heard right. He busts his ass day in and day out and then sends money to the wives of the men he didn’t save, because it eats at him that much.”

  “I don’t even know what to say,” I sputter.

  “I know what you mean.” He chuckles and lifts his empty beer in the direction of Gunner when he looks our way. “It’s hard to believe men as good as him really exist.”

  “It is,” I say quietly as Gunner makes his way toward us, sliding tips off the bar and putting them into a jar behind the table as he goes.

  “Are you two going to cause me trouble?” he asks and grins when he reaches us.

  “Always,” I say and smile, wanting to stare at him, study him, a little longer than is normal.

  “Then I’ll stay over there.” He laughs and hooks a thumb over his shoulder. “I have two burgers coming up for you guys. Is that okay?”

  “Yes. Sure. Thank you. I didn’t expect—”

  “You said you wanted food, drinks, and company. You found the two”—he motions to Nix and Nix just smirks—“so I figured the least I could do was help your date along with the third.”

  “Funny,” I say and roll my eyes as Nix belts out a laugh, slapping the counter.

  “Dare I ask what the two of you are talking about down here?” he asks as he takes a
sip of a beer himself.

  “I told Nix that you were taking me on a date tomorrow and—”

  “I am, am I?” he asks, tossing the towel onto his shoulder and crossing his arms as his eyes hold mine.

  “Yes. You are,” I state matter-of-factly. “And so, I was taking suggestions on what he thinks we should do.”

  “I know exactly what we should do,” Gunner says with a suggestive smirk.

  I stand from my seat and motion for him to come closer, leaning across the counter to whisper in his ear. “While I’m all for jumping in, sometimes a little foreplay is appreciated.”

  Nix laughs and smacks the counter again, drawing attention back on us. “Goddamn, I like her, Gunny.”

  Gunner twists his lips as he stares at me. “I do too,” he says. “So you were asking Nix about the best foreplay, were you?”

  “Something like that,” I reply.

  “I’ve heard a lot of stories from and about Nix over the years,” Gunner says, “so if you’re into tipping cows for foreplay, then he’s your man.”

  “Hey. That was low,” Nix says but their grins are wide, and the pretzel on the bar that Nix throws at him is batted away with a laugh.

  “So is stealing my girl,” Gunner says as he flashes me a grin before heading down to where Aubrey is waiting for him with a drink order.

  “Fucker,” Nix says to his friend’s back.

  “And yet you still come here regularly to put up with his abuse.” It’s more of a statement rather than a question. An acknowledgment of how strong their friendship is.

  “Always,” he says, his voice softening as he looks down to where his thumbs are running over the label on his bottle before meeting my eyes again. “I was there, Chase. I was trapped in a corner, out of ammo, shot in the hip, scared to fucking death, and praying he’d be able to save me. He was my only hope. Then I was there trying to use quick clot in his wounds to save him, because the medic was worse off than him. I was there at his Medal of Honor ceremony. And I’ll always be here for him because without him, five of us wouldn’t be here right now.”

  I stare at this gruff-looking man with a standoffish posture and a sarcastic mouth and see true loyalty and gratitude when he looks at Gunner.

  “I would say I understand, but I couldn’t possibly know what you guys went through.”

  “Luckily, few do.”

  There is a raucous roar over by the pool table where it appears someone just got seriously hustled and everyone else was in on it. We watch the ribbing and laughing, and I get the weirdest sense that everyone in FU-Bar feels like they belong here. Like they all have mutually shared experiences that they can somehow relate to.

  And then I wonder why I feel like I belong here when I don’t.

  But is it because of that man right there? The one whose dark hair has just fallen over his eyes and who is busy making some couple on the other side of the bar laugh.

  “May I ask a personal question, Nix?”

  “That depends.”

  “Why are you still in Destiny Falls? I mean, I’m sure you have a family somewhere, so why did you opt to stay here after you were discharged?”

  He’s quiet for a moment. The sounds of the bar filter in around us. “I think, like Gunner, it’s hard to leave this place. To leave behind the families that are still suffering and to let go of the survivor’s guilt we still feel.”

  “I never thought of it that way.”

  “The war stays in your heart, Chase, long after the uniform comes off.” He pauses, and then sighs. “Someday, we’ll both leave this town and live outside of it, but for the meantime, this provides a place to heal when we choose to let it.” He pushes his beer away to make room for the food we see Aubrey coming out with. “This is my home. These guys are my home. That man,” he says looking at Gunner, “allowed me to come home.”

  And there is something about that comment of Nix’s that sticks with me. Long after I’ve eaten my food, had some more laughs over drinks, and fallen a lot more in lust watching Gunner work the bar. He laughs with some, lowers his voice and leans over to talk to others, all while keeping the bar running.

  And it sits with me even after Gunner walks me to my car for a quick goodnight kiss before heading back in to work another couple of hours before they close.

  These guys are my home. That man allowed me to come home.

  Even as I open my hotel room and enter it.

  Is that what I’m looking for?

  My place?

  My home?

  Sure, I have my sisters and love them dearly, but haven’t they all found their own places? Their new homes? The men who have allowed them to make and call it a home?

  Is that what they long for me to find?

  That person with a shared experience who gets me wholly and completely . . . and still wants a life with me?

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Gunner

  It was a great night.

  Unexpectedly busy and the money in the till reflects it.

  And I might just be tired enough to get a good night’s sleep. That is if I can get Chase out of my head.

  She showed up. She showed up and shot the shit with Nix and laughed with the regulars. She didn’t freak out that my time was spent more often than not on my customers.

  That’s a rarity.

  When the door to the bar opens, I cringe, realizing I forgot to turn the lock after Aubrey left.

  “Sorry. We’re closed . . . Chase?” I ask when I look up to find her standing in the doorway with a coy smile on her lips.

  “I can leave if you’re closed,” she says and hooks a thumb over her shoulder.

  “Don’t you dare even think about it,” I say as I come out from behind the bar, suddenly nowhere near as tired as I was a few seconds ago. I head straight for her, turn the key in the lock myself, before turning to look at her. “Did anyone ever tell you it isn’t safe to go to bars at two in the morning?”

  I itch to reach out and touch her. To see if that crackle of tension sparks when I do.

  “I wasn’t aware that Destiny Falls has a rampant crime problem that I need to be worried about,” she says as her eyes dart down to look at my lips before meeting mine again.

  “It doesn’t.”

  “Then there’s no need to be worried.”

  “True.” I reach out and tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. The hitch of her breath tells me she’s fighting the same need I am. The same craving. “What are you doing here?” Fuck, I am so damn glad that she is.

  “I told myself that I needed to stay away from you.” Her voice is barely a whisper.

  “Why would you do a crazy thing like that?” I place my hands on either side of her neck so she’s forced to look up at me.

  “Because I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  The pressure that had suddenly built in my chest eases. I offer a soft smile. “That makes two of us.”

  “What I’m trying to say is that this isn’t normal for me. Coming back here after I already saw you tonight simply because I can’t stop thinking about you.” She gives a shake of her head as if she’s frustrated. As if, even she doesn’t understand why she’s feeling how she feels. “I typically don’t want people. I want the sex and pleasure they give but am not a big fan of doing more than the cursory time with the people who help provide it. Is that cold? Yes. Do I own it? Always.”

  “Your honesty is becoming.” And rare. The woman is fucking incredible. Does she know that? See that? Does she have any idea that she is knocking me on my ass just as surprisingly too?

  It’s sudden and unexpected, but Christ, does it feel so fucking good that I’ve tried not to question or label or anything it. We’re just in the beginning of whatever this is and she’s already made it known our time is finite . . . so is it so bad to enjoy it while I can? To live in the moment as I’ve deemed life should be lived? To take the pleasure even though I know the loss will come at some point?

  She reaches out and fists a hand in
the hem of my shirt and pulls me toward her. “I didn’t want to wait until tomorrow to see you, Gunner,” she whispers.

  “It is tomorrow,” I tease, drawing a smile from her.

  “Then see? I waited. Now I don’t look so desperate.”

  “If this—you—are what desperation looks like, then please don’t change a fucking thing.”

  Desire fires in her eyes as she darts her tongue out to wet her lips. “Good to know.”

  When she leans forward to kiss me and act on that desire, it takes everything I have to dodge it.

  “I thought you said kissing was overrated,” I taunt as my hand falls to the small of her back, and I pull her against me. My dick is hard and presses against the softness of her body and the feel of her, the warmth of her, adds a whole complexity to how bad I want to prove her words from earlier tonight incorrect.

  Her smile is slow, stuttered, almost as if it takes her a second to see through the rejection and realize my intentions. My name a resigned sigh. “Gunner . . .”

  “And that foreplay was essential,” I add. I pull her hair back and lace open-mouthed kisses down the exposed line of her neck. Her gasp floats over the music still coming through the speakers of the bar. “Tell me why you’re here, Chase,” I say softly against her skin.

  “I want you. Plain. Simple. I want this.” She tugs on my shirt. Her words are labored, and her flesh covered in goosebumps.

  I groan at her words. At the pure simplicity and honesty in them. At needing her so fucking much but also wanting to draw it out. Craving the foreplay, the chance to make her beg, and to feel her desperation so I can show her exactly how she makes me feel.

  “Turn around,” I command. Her eyebrow quirks up as defiance fires in her eyes, moments before submission.

  She turns around.

  And Christ, it’s a beautiful sight. A strong woman who knows what she wants and is trusting me to give it to her.

  Her body tenses as I slip my hands beneath the hem of her shirt and slowly slide the fabric up. She lifts her arms and I pull the shirt over her head. I proceed to do the same thing with her shorts.